One of the best parts of the company I work for are these little groups for employees with common interests. I'm a part of the "women's issues" group (I know, not surprising). A question was posed in our group today about the "#girlboss" era and hustle culture. Again, not surprising, I have some thoughts.
On its surface, the term girlboss serves to infantilize women in leadership roles. It makes us less threatening, more approachable, a bit softer and less "harsh." However, it also reinforces the concept that the "boss" is traditionally male. There is no "boy boss" movement, and if there was, I'm certain the term would be male/guy/dude rather than the childlike "boy." It's the same line of thinking that leads to calling a woman a "working mom," when a father is simply just that. In a family where both parents work outside the home, only one parent gets the extra word added to their description. He's not a "working dad," even though his wife/partner is a "working mom."
Over the last several years, the hustle culture concept has gained a lot of traction. This culture is deeply embedded in the girlboss concept. I see it all over my Instagram and Facebook feeds, with quasi-inspiring messages telling you to not quit, work harder, just wake up and grind, and "get it done." A quick google search reveals a plethora of wise words such as:
Hustle beats talent, when talent doesn't hustle
The dream is free, the hustle is sold separately
I've got a dream worth more than my sleep (my personal "favorite")
There is certainly something to be said for working hard for what you want. However, I think there's an issue when hustle is the ONLY focus. How hard are you working? How much are you getting done? How much have you improved your life/self/career? Hit those metrics, meet those goals or suffer the consequences of failure. The last quote above literally prioritizes success over sleep. SLEEP! I can tell you from personal experience - your success is NOT worth more than sleep. Ever.
As I've started to weed out the pro-hustle influencers and friends, I've noticed a shift in what content I'm seeing. Instead of WORK HARDER being shoved in my face, I see pictures/quotes/stories that feel more like a nice hug than a push forward. Kind words reminding me to breathe, pause, rest for a moment. I fully embrace this message after the trauma of the last 18 months. I am ready for a break. I am ready to pause and seek joy. One tangible example of this is driving my daughter to preschool. We are blessed to have a wonderful nanny who, under normal circumstances, would drive her. But this year, as I continue to mostly work from home, I've decided to drive her to and from school if I'm able. I could stay in my office and get more things done, write more emails, respond to more messages, or continue to improve on my work projects. But I also know that my daughter genuinely enjoys spending time with me (I'm still not sure why), and who knows how long I have left of those feelings. We chat on the brief 5 minute drive, and the look on her face when I pick her up is worth more than any work email.
I suppose at the end of this train of thought is this: rest is not lazy. An unfinished to-do list is not failure. These are things I tell myself often, because the hustle and grind is so engrained. I set goals and aspirations for myself personally and professionally, but achievements do not make me a good person. I have to remind myself of this every night when there are a billion things left undone, at work and at home.
I think the "hustle" is especially dangerous for women in the workforce who have small kids at home. Our lives are SO busy. My husband and I talk frequently about the good old days, when we got out of bed and weren't immediately met with demands. It's not even just the sleeping in, I'm talking about getting up early on a work day and making MY breakfast rather than immediately tending to the needs of others. I'm talking about watching the news in the morning rather than breaking up fights over "it's my turn to pick a show" before 7AM. (Also it's basically fights over YouTube videos, not cartoons, which is a whole other issue for me.) Anyway - how can I hustle when I never stop moving? Sometimes I sit down and zone out because I feel like my eyes are literally melting.
From about 6:30AM - 8PM, my time is rarely my own. It belongs to my children or my job. I love my kids and the work I do, but I need to take care in how I use the extra time in my day. Sometimes I do things that I think fit in the "hustle" category - working to be more prepared, to check more things off the list. But, increasingly, I just sit. I watch a tv show, or read a magazine, or if I have the energy I'll go for a walk. These breaks are essential for my brain. These periods of rest allow me to have more cushion as a wife, mom, and employee, since I'm less likely to feel burned out and just snap. I don't rest often enough, and I'm pretty sure you don't either. It's just not American culture. But culture be damned - we need a break. Give yourself permission to sit and be quiet for a few minutes - yes, even you with the young kids. You deserve it.
Stay safe. xx
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